Read This If You’ve Ever Said “ I Need to Get Laid “ – Your Full Guide to Meeting Women, Part 1

Published by Bryce Foster on

 

I need to get laid. 

 

Ever said that to one of your friends?   What if you could meet and actually have sex with the most attractive girls in your city?

 

We’ve all seen the girls I’m talking about 

 

Out walking down the street,  in a cafe, at a vip booth of a nightclub.  

 

The girl that in an instant captures your complete attention and makes your whole body buzz.  Smooth lips, done up hair, perfectly tight body with exacting curves. You probably can think of a specific girl right now you saw earlier this week. 

 

If you’re like me a few years ago, your relationship with her ends there.  Maybe some lingering daydreaming about her while simultaneously wondering:

 

“How the fuck can I can I get a girl like THAT?”  

 

Then the doubts settle in, and you wonder how she could go for you.  You’re not successful enough, you aren’t good looking enough, you dress lousy and have no style.  And on and on…

 

This guide is meant to be a launching point for your new dating life.  Whether you’re brand new, or have a solid dating life as it is. The following advice was hard earned over the last several years, traveling all over the world and dating women across all cultures and statuses. 

 

It’s been a hell of a journey and my true pleasure to share with you what I’ve learned as well as the humiliating mistakes I’ve made along the way.

 

So if you stumbled on here because you want to get laid with hot girls, then yes you are still in the right place. 

 

But the truth of what it takes may shock you…

 

Let’s get it.

 

-Ethan @ SelfReliantMan 

 

It starts With You, Not ‘ How Can I Get Laid? ‘ 

 

The ‘why’ – what do we do all this shit?  

Let me get a little philosophical on you here.  I promised a practical guide on how to meet girls and hook up, and rest assured all the technical details are down below.

 

But make sure you know this before you approach another cute girl and start a conversation.

 

Tips and tactics will only take you to a certain level with women.  And honestly, it’s a pretty low bar. If you want to really transform your dating life and attract insanely gorgeous and interesting women you will need to start within.

 

It’s not a spiritual thing, it’s a self worth thing.  Until you fully internalize and accept the fact that you as a man are enough for any woman you will never be able to improve past a certain point.

 

The guys that ultimately succeed and have incredible dating lives know deep down inside that they are worthy of the girls that they are with.  They love themselves and would be just as happy without the girl. They don’t NEED her, they just want her and enjoy the process of getting her. 

 

Game = Social Calibration

 

As you start your journey (or if you already have) then you will notice right way just how many variations and situations exist out there when it comes to chatting up a girl you like.  

 

Where you are, what’s going on around you, her mood, your mood, it creates endless variations on how the conversation will go (or if it’ll even happen).  

 

So many variations, that you can’t possibly keep in your head a perfect and logical road map of “A happens so do/say B”.  It’s just not possible.  

 

Most guys never get past this.  They look for the set of instructions to follow so that they never have to deal with uncertainty.

 

But the guys that get DAMN GOOD, are the ones who embrace this variation and randomness. After awhile they start to enjoy it because it keeps every interaction fresh and exciting. 

So if you can’t build a flow chart of what to say and do, how can you possibly learn how to pick up girls in any situation?

 

The answer is Social Calibration.

 

This is the fine art of responding to the situation in real time and adjusting your behavior, body language, word choices etc.  

 

Ok, fair enough right?  Instantly respond to the situation at hand with the perfect demeanor.  Easier said than done. The way you learn how to do this well is by practicing with the right mindsets.  You need radical empathy for the girl and the people around you.  Instead of focusing on what you’re trying to get, what you’re trying to say etc. think of how SHE is feeling right now.

 

Is she confused as to why you’re talking to her?  Is she nervous and self conscious of their being other people within earshot?  Is she busy and annoyed by your approach? Is she really into it and happy you came up?

 

These are all emotional reactions you will trigger in the girls you meet.  And you can’t control which one you get. That’s why it’s essential you learn how to recognize the response she’s giving you and react to it appropriately.  

 

So approach the girl, assess her reaction, and then proceed with the right response.  Here are the most basic responses you’ll see and how you should handle it generally. 

 

She’s confused

 

Most likely to happen when: You approach during the daytime,  on the street or in a cafe. A large percentage of girls have never been approached on the street, so when you stop them and say hello confusion is a common response.

 

Signs:  She may ask you directly “what do you want?”  Or more likely, will simply make a strange face, purse her lips or generally just look uncomfortable and unsure how to respond to you.

 

How to respond:  This is where a statement of empathy comes into play. This is where you say something that makes it clear that YOU understand this is an abnormal interaction and she is ok to be confused.  You can same something like “I know this is totally strange, I just saw you and thought you [ insert compliment ] and wanted to meet you”  

 

Why this works:  You need to make her feel comfortable, and demonstrate that you saw her reaction of uncertainty and responded appropriately and politely.  She may not want to chat still, but at least she understands the premise of the interaction. 

 

She’s scared

 

Most likely to happen when:  You approach on the street, especially if you do it suddenly or poorly.  (We can discuss the mechanics of approaching on the street later)

 

Signs:  You should be able to recognize shock/fear.  You’ll see alarm on her face, her body tense up and possibly she will step back away from you or onto the side. 

 

How to respond:  Combine a statement of empathy from above with a change in your body language.  Take a step back physically, smile and/or laugh and you can say something similar such as:   “So sorry, don’t be scared. I know this is really strange but… “  

 

Why this works:  You’d be surprised how often just calibrating will relax the girl on an approach like this. By taking a step back you are showing her that you’re aware of the situation and you mean no actual harm.  Handling this well communicates you’re a cool and socially savvy guy. 

 

She’s annoyed:

 

Most likely to happen when:  This can happen in any environment. 

 

Signs:  She looks away, is dismissive of whatever you originally said,  or even says something sharp in reply to you. 

 

How to respond:  Do not be reactive to this or even apologize.  If you approached politely and were direct then you have nothing to apologize for.   So simply proceed with your conversation.

 

If she continues to talk but still gives you shit, then you can address it calmly with something like: “I’m not sure what’s gotten you so bothered this morning, but certainly has nothing to do with me, so [continue conversation casually] “ 

 

She’s into you

 

Most likely to happen when: You never know! 

 

Signs:  This is the best feeling,  she will stop, face you directly (if possible)  and smile brightly with great eye contact. This girl is excited about your approach, your compliment, your face, whatever.  

 

How to respond:  For these, it should be clear she already is open and likes you (or the approach) so you do not need to justify your presence with a statement of empathy as mentioned above.  You can go right into flirty conversation, and do it with a cheeky grin please 🙂 

 

She’s self conscious about the environment:

 

Most likely to happen when:  You are somewhere crowded with people in earshot (Bus, Train, Cafe)

 

Signs:  She will be glancing at everyone around looking to see if they’re listening.  SHe might have trouble making eye contact and might blush slightly as well.

 

How to respond:   If this happens it means there was too much intent/pressure in your approach, and it means a more delicate opening would’ve been smarter (so remember this or your next one).  All you can do here is adjust your body so you aren’t full on facing her or standing over her ( at a coffee shop for example) and avoid any direct lines or compliments. Speak casually about the environment, and talk about yourself while avoiding direct penetrating questions about her.  

 

Meeting girls – How to Meet Girls in the Daytime 

 

It may not seem like it when you’re first starting to take charge of your dating 

How to Get Laid On Tinder and the internet 

 

The first and most common question about dating is actually the least important.  

 

What do I say at first?  How do I ‘open’?   

 

These are basically questions about what the hell you say when you walk up to a girl initially.  What lines work? How can you get her? 

 

Read “The Game”  by Neil Strauss for examples of this ridiculousness.

The truth is that the first thing you say to her is the absolute LEAST important thing you will say the entire conversation.  Half the time she’s not even listening to it anyway (she’s ideally trying to figure what this good looking charming man is after).

 

With that being said, there are a few major mindsets and ‘approaches’ you should be taking to meet girls.  They all depend on the situation, so lets go through the major ones that you will come across. 

 

How to meet girls in coffee shops during the day time (cafes) 

 

When done properly, coffee shops and cafes are amazing ways to meet girls in a low pressure environment.  Because they are often quiet with everyone seated, your approach is going to need to be much more casual and ‘under the radar’.  In my experience incredibly direct conversations in cafes do not work. 

 

The mindset

You want to engage in casual conversation and gauge her interest and response.  This can be achieved in two main ‘technical’ ways

  • You can make an observation about her/the environment  and ask a question
  • You can ask for an opinion on something

 

For example, if she’s reading a book the easiest thing to do is politely ask her about it.  You can then make a few statements yourself about the book (or reading in general) and see how her response is.  

 

Calibration is key here.  Remember pplenty of girls come to a cafe to actually work or read and aren’t going to be open to a conversation. On the contrary, some are VERY open to having a chat with a charming stranger.  To reiterate, you aim here is to start a conversation in a low pressure way and figure out wich type she’s in.

 

Why do we do this subtly?  Because a cafe is exposed, likely everyone around will see/hear your conversation.  So if you’d like to stick around there and maybe meet another girl afterwards, it’s best not to come off too strong as a ‘trying to pickup a girl’. 

 

RooshV has written an amazing guide on this subject in his most recent book Game.  The link is in recommended resources at the bottom of this article. 

 

How to Meet Girls During the Day

If you live in an even half-way decent city then chances are you at least one stunning woman per day just out walking on the street. 

 

Don’t you wish there was some way you could meet her as she walks by?  

 

Well there is, and I’ve written about how to get started at daygame here.

 

Conversations and Getting Numbers

This is a pretty broad topic as well, and you won’t become a master conversationalist right away no matter what you do.  However, there are several key principles that you should always be focusing on in your conversations with women. I’ll provide a framework here:

 

Inquisitive – Qualification

When you are in a conversation with a girl you like,  make sure you’re aware of who is ‘qualifying’ who. In simpler terms, if someone was listening to your  chat, which person wants the other to like them?  

 

Think of the dynamic of a job interview.  The boss conducting the interview is clearly trying to assess whether the interviewee is a good fit, has good skills etc.  So they ask generally penetrating questions and get the interviewee talking all about them self and how great they are.

 

Be the interviewer, not the interviewee.  

 

Elicit Investment on her behalf

Now that you understand to be aware of the qualifying dynamic (also known as investment) let’s talk about how to actually get her to invest in your conversations. 

 

Ask better questions

We’ve all had conversations with women where we’re asking question after question and she’s giving one word or boring/straight answers.  It doesn’t take a master seducer to figure out these conversations go nowhere, are boring and don’t result in girls liking you and wanting to date you.  So how do we avoid the dreaded interview-style conversation? The answer is in investment.

 

Don’t respond positively and immediately to everything she says.

 

This is such a common mistake! 

 

Investment can be boiled down simply to who is talking more and sharing more.  What we as guys tend to do is try and talk MORE in order to convey all the great shit about our personalities and our lives.  This is actually the OPPOSITE of what you should be doing. The goal of your conversations at least initially should be to find ways to get her talking about herself and things she’s interested in.  The more she’s talking the better.  

 

This is a pretty subtle psychological thing that deserves its own article, but for now take my word on it.

 

Go deeper

A common mistake guys make when they first start meeting girls is that they keep the conversation on a logical level.  Where she’s from, what she’s studying etc.

 

A goal for almost all your conversations should be to get to more emotional answers that communicate more about WHO she is not WHAT the facts of her life are.

 

For example, a better question would be “why did you choose to come here?”  not “Oh so you’re from this city, which neighborhood?”  

 

The deeper you go about what motivates her, inspires her, scares her, the easier it is to relate your own self to her and build an emotional connection in even a short conversation.  

Pull the Trigger, Ask for Her Number

A lot of times you don’t get a girls contact info simply because you are too afraid to ask for it.  Handle this simply, and assume that since she’s been speaking with you for several minutes she’s at least curious about meeting again.

 

“Ok well I have to go, but we should meet for a coffee this week.  Let’s swap [Instagram or numbers]”

 

That’s it.  Literally say that with some confidence and a no-pressure vibe at the end of all of your conversations.  Of course there are more advanced things we can get into, but they truly aren’t necessary. Almost every woman I’ve ever slept with (that I’ve met on the street) I swapped contact info using some form of the above. It works and will work for you if your conversation went well.

 

Texting and setting up dates 

 

When you start going out and implementing the above guides on meeting women, it’s pretty inevitable that you will get comfortable, and start getting some phone numbers, social medias etc. 

 

This short guide is going to cover texting.  What to text a girl you like, how often and most importantly how to respond to her level of interest. 

 

The issue most guys have is that they text all girls the same way.  This is always a mistake.  

 

If you want to get a higher percentage of girls to meet you out on dates then you must be acutely aware of her level of interest at the time. 

 

Just because she gave you her number does NOT mean that she is 100% excited to meet up with you right away, but it might. 

 

General Principles of Texting

 

Sending ‘optional’ messages

This is the most important part of your texting.  Until you are 100% certain that she likes you and is going to meet up, you should be sending messages that she doesn’t have to respond to.  

 

For example  “Fun meeting you!  Have a good day” is a message she does NOT need to respond to  while “How was the rest of your afternoon?” is one she is obliged to answer.

 

The reason we do this is simple.  If someone flakes on a text message that they should have responded to, they are far less likely to respond to followup texts.  Whereas if you send something low pressure (with no response actually required) you can keep sending them indefinitely. 

 

Use Photos 

Sending photos over text or instagram are far more interesting and engaging.  And the best part is that they are never necessary to respond to. Send photos of cool stuff you’re doing,  amazing coffee, the beach you’re reading on, the book you like, whatever. The point here is a photo gives her something to grab onto and respond to if she wants to.  If she doesn’t want to respond, she won’t and you’re no worse off.  But if she does it’s a super easy way give her something to engage with.  

 

Understanding Her Levels of Interest

Generally the girls you are texting fall into one of these categories in terms of her interest in meeting up.

 

How to gauge her level of interest?  You will want to be sending her ‘pings’ of messages and seeing if/how she responds to you.

 

Low or None

This is more common than you’d think. Should start off assuming that she is at this level of investment. 

 

If she’s at low investment levels (barely responding to you, one word answers etc.) consider her just another girl in your social media funnel.  Post stories and send her the very occasional photo/GIF message (every few days max). Just keep repeating this process until her investment changes (it might not ever).  But that’s all you can do at this point, invitations out will only completely crush your chances of catching her interest at a later date.  

 

Medium Investment

This is when she’s texting you back pretty frequently, but hasn’t responded positively to any of your mentions/asks about meeting up.  SHe’s been busy (which can be legitimate) but hasn’t proposed other times that work for her. 

 

If she’s not working with you in order to meet up, then she’s really only casually interested in you.  It’s quite possible she just likes the attention you’re giving her and the validation your texts/invites provide.  At this point, cool off on texting and definitely do not send any messages she needs to respond to. Teasing/sillyness is better here with lots of GIFs, photos from your life etc.  If you have her on instagram continue to post stories and see if she’s watching them. 

 

The bottom line is if she isn’t making it easy to set a future date, you likely will need to just spend some time ‘not blowing it’  and spontaneously invite her out. For example instead of a “what’s your schedule this week?” kind of thread you will do a “Hey what are you doing right now…”  message in hopes of catching her at a boring time. 

 

High Investment

We are looking for high investment.  If she’s responding right away, offering up her schedule (“I’m free on these days and these times”) and generally is just making it easy to hang out then she’s high investment.  You don’t need to play any games here, get her availability and set up a date/time. Then you can be cheeky and make all the clever jokes you’d like.

 

Texting A Girl You Like: Summary

In summary, you must text her in accordance with her level of investment (described above).  Play it safe and smart until you move up the ladder of her investment and can more easily invite her out when SHE wants to go out.  All while avoiding the dreaded endless read receipts to your boring questions. 

 

What’s Next? The Dating Guide

In next week’s guide, we will talk about how to go on dates, and ultimately how to escalate things properly to the bedroom in a way that’s exciting for you both.  

 

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