How Do You Get Laid From Dates?  Part 2 of the Meeting Girls Guide Dates, Physical Escalation and Sex On the First Date

Published by Bryce Foster on

If you’ve read part one of the series on meeting girls to date  and implemented it, then you should be filling your phone up with contacts of lovely girls (some of which actually will want to meet you again).

 

A Note on Flakes

 

If you’re new to the active dating world, then after you approach a few girls in the day during your daygame sessions (or organically is ideal) then you likely will be on cloud nine after getting those first few phone numbers. 

 

Most of them you will never see again.

 

Let me say that again, most of the phone numbers you get will go NOWHERE. 

 

Part of the reason for this is that’s just how it goes.  Girls are busy, they aren’t interested in seeing someone new, they gave you their number to be polite… the reasons go on and on but the result is still the same.  

 

The second part is you.  If you don’t make enough of an impact when you first meet, the chances of you going on a date later that week are slim.  

 

Just be aware of this and don’t let it get you down if the first few girls you pick up don’t text you back.  Your interactions and conversations will improve, as will your chances of meeting a girl that is actually excited  about going out with you.  Patience and persistence is key here.  

 

Setting Up Dates with Girls You Have Picked Up – Logistics 

 

*Note* this assumes you are getting girls that are texting you back and are interested in meeting you.  Check out this article about texting girls you met from daygame if you still aren’t 100% clear on how to do it.

 

Let’s assume you have a girl who is keen to do something with you, what should you plan?  Are extravagant dates better? Will a fancy dinner date increase your chances of getting laid?  The perfect first date hits the following criteria

 

  • It’s simple and easy to cut short (i.e. NOT dinner, but a coffee) 
  • It’s something you two can chat easily/comfortably during (Walk in the park > Nightclub)
  • The location of the date is within walking distance to your place

 

Maybe those surprised you, but I assure you friend that if you want to get laid on your first dates from daygame or just have a more intimate time then you will heed these rules.  Let’s unpack them further so I can explain.

 

Simple is Better

By simple I mean a date that could easily last 15 minutes without it being awkward.  You can’t run out of a dinner without being rude, but you could excuse yourself after a quick coffee and chat. 

Shouldn’t we want the date to be longer so we can have more time to ‘attract’ the girl? Absolutely not.  Because remember, you barely know eachother and you want her to actually show up.  I

 

in general, women (all people really) have more hesitation about making an upfront commitment of time.  She can’t relax properly if she feels like no matter what she’s stuck with you for two hours. So the appearance of a low pressure date just increases the chances she will show up because she knows she can leave at any time. 

 

This concept deserves it’s own post, but you ALWAYS want to make your date feel like she has a choice and can leave/stop at any time.  It goes into consent territory yes, but it’s a deep attraction principle that you must be aware of. Always give her an out, never make her commit to something big upfront (this is why we don’t ask verbally “Do you wnat ot have sex?”, because even if she does she wants to reserve the right to change her mind later).  Ok enough of that tangent, lets move on.

 

Easy Conversation and Closeness

This is another fundamental thing that is often ignored on dates.  You are finding out about each other, and there is no faster way to do it than a deep an intimate conversation.  You need to be able to be comfortable while you talk, and you need to be able to hear each other easily.  

 

Yelling one-liners into her ear at the night club is not ideal.  Cozied up on a couch in a cool cafe is ideal. 

 

Closeness is often less a function of the venue and more a function of you taking charge.  You want to be sure that no matter what you can plausibly sit next to the girl wherever you are.  Dates where you are at a high top and leaning over the table across from each other are no good. You want to be adjacent to her, even if that means taking a slightly odd omment to drag a chair over next to her.  No girl will mind you doing this, so don’t think you’re invading her space or anything like that.

 

The reason behind the closeness is that touch/physicality are another huge part of communication between men and women, arguably more important than verbal.  Being able to bump legs at the bar, touch hands and arms casually while telling a story is huge. Make sure you nail this. 

 

Location

Another fundamental.  If you want your dates to end up in the bedroom then you need to have your dates as close to your house as possible. 

 

Logistics are insanely important to allowing for spontaneous romance to happen.  Your date is highly unlikely to take a 40 minute train/car ride to your place after a date.  Like I mentioned before it’s too much of a commitment and she will hesitate. However, if your place is just around the corner she is far more likely to come over for a quick drink after the date and see what happens.

 

The idea here is that you can allow your dates and intimacy to ‘just happen’ in a natural flow.  Proximity to your place just helps facilitate this. 

 

So if you live in a great city and have a cool neighborhood, then propose your dates around there.  If you don’t, then you need to move.

 

What to Talk About on the First Date

 

The frame of the date: Big concepts

 

She’s on a date with you, so relax in the knowledge that she’s interested/curious about you on some romantic level.  If you’ve set your intention when meeting her (come across as a man picking up a woman) then women will only agree to dates if they found you attractive on some level.  It doesn’t mean she wants to sleep with you, it doesn’t mean she even will see you again. All it signifies is that there is some interest and attraction. And that’s a good thing. 

 

You aren’t trying to convince her to hookup, or to get her home.  What you’re doing is enjoying yourself and getting to know her, and escalating physically/romantically to the point that she is interested in.  

You’re on a date with a girl you like, enjoy it!

This one is silly, but take a moment to appreciate how amazing it is to see a girl you find attractive, talk to her, and then end up on a date with her.  Gratitude for what has already happen will allow you to relax on the date and appreciate the moment with having an agenda.

 

Being Non-judgemental

A very common thing people do when getting to know someone is to judge the other person based on their previous thoughts and actions.  This seems natural, but really it kills the vibe and fun of a date and in my opinion NEVER needs to happen.

 

The idea with all your personal relationships should be to foster an environment of openness and acceptance.  You can NEVER change the other person, nor should you want to. It’s much healthier to appreciate them for who they are and simple allow it and accept.  That isn’t so much a dating concept, but a life concept that is very relevant to dating.

 

The other main reason we want to be non judgemental is that women will relax and ultimately be more seductive/sexual if they know they won’t be judged for it.

 

Conversation – What to talk about on a date?

We’ve all suffered through (or head someone next to us) an interview style date.  Where are you from, what do you do for work, do you like your work? Cool, sweet.

 

These questions are garbage and should be asked at some point in the date (or rather they should come up naturally in the conversation) but if you want to have a successful first date it’s important that you keep the conversation from turning into an interview (on both sides) 

 

How do we do this?  

 

By asking deeper questions.  You should be asking more emotional questions, questions about feeling and motivations vs. just logistics.  Let’s look at some examples. 

 

“Where are you from?” – A generally basic logistical question.  It’s fine to ask it, but you need to follow up with something that connects you emotionally to the subject (where she’s from) 

 

“Ah Miami, I love that city.  The vibe of the people on south beach is so open and latin feeling.  I love partying there” – Now this is a more detailed response about the city if you’ve been there.  Now she can respond by talking about what she likes about Miami. 

 

Or if you haven’t been to the city you have to dig deeper.

 

“I’ve never been there!  What’s it like? What was your favorite part about living there?”

 

Now we’re getting into a deeper conversation, she can tell you about the beaches, the people,  the museums, the parties, SOMETHING significant to her. And from there you’re in a conversation about that topic NOT where she’s from, or even Miami necessarily.

 

Talk about dating!  The most overlooked topic on first dates. 

 

People have this thing where they feel like they shoudln’t talk about dating other people, using dating apps, or just dating culture in genreal.  This is absurd to me. The one thing you both are guaranteed to have in common on a first date is that YOU BOTH ARE DATING PEOPLE. Duh.

 

Talking about dating is a great thread for several key reasons

  • It communicates that you are a comfortable guy who is actively dating other girls (attractive)
  • It lets you both reveal your thoughts on romantic relationships and find out if you have any real compatibility/shared views on relationships/hookups
  • It can easily transition into a conversation about sex (where we want to be going) 

 

Are there any topics you shouldn’t discuss on a first date? 

I don’t think so personally.  As long as you are talking about things from a lighthearted observer perspective you discuss religion, politics the works.  But don’t try and have your views ‘heard’ and don’t try and convince your date of anything. There’s no point, you’re on the date to laugh and have fun.

 

If you’re trying to get the conversation into a more sexual vibe, check out this article on sexual questions to ask girls when you’re out with them on a date.

 

Physical Escalation on the first date – Touching and Kissing 

 

This is a complex topic, so let’s get the mindset and frame tackled first.  It is your job as a man to move things forward physically.

 

But wait! There’s more.

 

It is also your job, to be incredibly aware of how she is responding to you escalating things physically and back off when necessary. 

 

I could write an entire book about this dynamic, but to boil it down further you are always going to be acting (doing something physical) and then noticing how she responds to it. 

 

Now, we could get into a whole consent talk here, and I feel obligated to say something like “If she doesn’t want to have sex then you don’t have sex”, don’t be an idiot.  If you’re new to dating and romantic encounters then pretty much you should just heed what she says verbally and you’ll be fine.  

 

As you get more advanced things get complicated though.  You will find out that sometimes she doesn’t actually mean exactly what she’s saying.   But let’s get back into escalation basics.

 

Think of all the physical things you can do together on a spectrum,  from light hand touching, to hugging, to mind blowing sex. All these things are things you  can initiate in some way or another, and get a response from her (physical or verbal). 

 

You can get one of three responses:

 

A Positive  Reciprocative Response

This is where she does something physically to make it clear that she likes what you just did.  For example if you’re sitting on your first date, and you reach over and lightly touch the back of her hand.  A positive response would be her quickly reaching over and touching yours back.  

 

How to handle it

This is a green light to continue touching or doing what you were doing.  So enjoy whatever physical contact you initiated and take your time! You can then proceed later on with something further up the spectrum of physicality.  

 

For example, if you got a green light on hand touching, maybe you can try touching her leg, etc. etc. Then a hug, then a kiss and on and on if you keep getting green lights.

 

Negative Response

This is the one to be aware of.  In the example above, if you touch her hand lightly and she pulls it away. That’s a negative response.

 

How to handle it

This is a red light which means don’t proceed up the physicality spectrum.  If she didn’t like your hand touch she isn’t going to like you running your hand up her leg for example.

 

This is where most guys mess it up.

 

A negative response does not mean she doesn’t like you.  

 

It means that your physical escalation didn’t feel right in that specific moment.

 

If you try and kiss a girl for the first time and she pulls away, it does not at all mean she doesn’t like or doesn’t want to kiss you eventually.  It simply means in that moment she just wasn’t feeling it. Or perhaps even, she’s curious to see how you handle a rejection like that. 

 

So how do we handle something like that?

 

Relax, don’t apologize, and casually move on.  That’s all there is to it.

As a masculine man, if you’re on a date with a beautiful girl of course you are going to try and move things forward physically.  This is not a secret, and believe me she is not oblivious to the physical desires of men. And yet she still chose to go out with you.

 

What does that tell you?  It tells you that you’re both aware of the sexual dynamic between each other, and it’s ok.  Now we’re playing the game, having fun yet?

 

If you get a red light on physicality, just take a step back and try again later.  I’ve had kisses rejected from a girl 2-3 times before we moved things forward. And almost all of those interactions ended up in having sex.

 

I would say as a rule of thumb you can try a physical escalation 2 or maybe 3 times if the vibe is light and fun.  If she doesn’t respond at least neutrally in 3 attempts then it is more likely that she’s not into you, or not feeling anything romantic on this particular date. 

 

Neutral Response 

With all of the mania going on in the media about toxic masculinity and sexual assault (plenty of it completely valid) this response is becoming more and more mishandled by men on dates.

 

A neutral response is just that, neutral. She doesn’t respond making it clear she loves it, but she doesn’t recoil either.  Yellow light, meaning proceed but watch out for cars in the intersection.

 

Let’s look at some examples.  

 

Going back to our scenarios above, if you touch her hand lightlly in the middle of the conversation and she doesn’t pull it back… but doesn’t touch you back either. That’s a neutral response.

 

The way to handle neutral responses is to keep going and escalating until you get a negative response. If you ever do.

 

Eastern European girls are notorious for this.  Because they are often so feminine, they will not always give clear signals that you’re on the right track and that they like your physicality.  In those cultures it’s expected for you to be leading the interaction fully, and you could get neutral responses all the way up until you’re having sex.   

 

Should you kiss her on the first date? When and How 

 

The answer to this question should be apparent if you’ve been reading everything above.  Yes, you should be physically escalating on all of your dates. 

But maybe you’re reading this section eagerly looking for a ‘tactic’ of how to actually pull it off.  

 

What do you do physically if you want to kiss her?

 

There are obviously an infinite amount of options and situations here to kiss a girl for the first time. It’s something you’re going to need to practice more.  But let me give you one of my favorite tactics for when things aren’t easy logistically. For example if you’re sitting and cuddling on a couch or park bench, just lean over and kiss her.  Don’t worry about it.

 

But maybe you’re on a date in the middle of a city, and you aren’t sure how to close that distance gap and make something happen without being awkward.  

 

This is my favorite way to kiss a girl if we’re out on the street, or standing.  It’s low pressure and easy to do it smoothly.

 

If you’re walking alongside a girl, slow down to a stop.  She won’t notice you’re stopping for a second and thus will get a step in front of you (because she is still walking).

 

As she takes that half step in front of you, lightly grab her hand (the one closest to you) as you come to a complete stop. 

 

So you now have come to a complete stop, grabbed her hand gently (and are still holding it) and while she is stepping forward.

 

So there will be a moment where she stops as well (because you are stationary and she is holding onto your hand), and then her momentum shifts back towards you as you are gentle pulling her back into you.

 

If done properly this looks like a little cute swing of the girl as she reverses motion and comes back to you.  When done properly she should end up hugging/holding you with her face right in front of yours. This is where you take a pause and enjoy the moment (you better be grinning)  and then go in to kiss her.

 

If she does not want the kiss, she can very easily turn her head, spin around, lean back, whatever.  If this happens don’t freak out, don’t apologize, just gently turn her around and continue on walking (and pick up the conversation again like nothing happened).

 

If she indeed was waiting for you to kiss her, then this is a smooth way to have a nice moment that she’ll really like.  Easy enough right? 

 

Taking her home on the first date, Sex on the first date 

 

It’s time for the section you’ve all been waiting for.  Let’s talk about how to actually go from A to B, how to get a girl home and have sex on your first date.  

 

A few principles and mindsets before we get into the technicals.  Firstly, there will plenty of girls that want to have sex on a first date with you and plenty that will not want to no matter what happens.  Your job as the man is simply to proceed in a fun and no-pressure way until you find out which.

 

You really are just following the escalation guide above, with the added piece of actually coming back to your place (so that sex can even happen in the first place).

 

If you heeded the advice about logistics and date setup, then you should be reasonably close to your home while on the date.  If you want to bring a girl back you simply need to suggest it. The only addition, is that when you ask, you should include a plausible reason why she should come back.  

 

The crazy thing is that this ‘reason’ doesn’t even have to make a ton of logical sense.  It just has to be in addition to ‘let’s go back to my place’. For example. “Let’s go back to my place, I have an amazing view from the balcony”  is about 1000x times better even if the view isn’t that great.

 

Often times a girl simply wants a reason to occupy her mind so she does not feel like she’s consciously agreeing to go back to your house and hookup.  This is a really strange phenomenon.

 

Your reason could be “I have some great wine, tea etc.”  don’t make it a complicated thing. You are not ever going to be so smooth that girl doesn’t realize what’s happening.  So don’t try and waste time, simply ask and have a reason.  

 

How long of a date do you need to go on?  This really depends, but I always suggest going back to my place after no more than 2 drinks out at a bar.  It doesn’t mean that she will always want leave right away, but it’s more efficient if you ask earlier on. Going ona 5 hour date vs. a 1.5 hour date really doesn’t proportionally increase the chances she will like you more and want to sleep with you.

 

Escalation at Home

This again really depends on the vibe of the date and how much you’ve escalated already.  If you are walking back home arm in arm and kissing then it should be clear to you that a more aggressive escalation can occur as soon as you get home.

 

In other situations, a girl will absolutely not want to initiate sex right when you walk in the door.  So you will need to learn how to read her. And how do we do this? By taking a small risk of escalating and gauging her reaction.  When you walk in the door try and kiss her and see how her body responds. If it’s not a screaming yes of passion then that should tell you  she’d like to feel more comfortable in your place before possibly doing anything further.

 

*Side Note on Comfort*

This is a core difference between men and women when it comes to sexual arousal.  Men can be turned on in pretty much any situation if there is enough visual or physical stimulus.  Whether we’re happy sad or stressed we can pretty always get in the mood. Women on the other hand can only be aroused when they are relaxed and comfortable.  This is why things like massages work so well as precursors to sex, because the allow a woman to relax to the point where she can actually be turned on.

 

Be aware of this dynamic and how comfortable she seems in your place.  If you put weird pressure on her, or act strange when she comes over then it will be much harder for her to get turned on and want to be more intimate.  So if she seems a little bit uncomfortable or nervous then your job is to help her relax. Make some tea or drinks, chat causually on the couch.  

 

I know we’ve discussed escalation a LOT in this article, but also remember that in some cases it’s far more powerful NOT to escalate for a little while.  If you are able to just have a great conversation and enjoy the moment, it will help her relax and not feel like you’re just hung up on having sex.  

 

That’s it for now! Next week we’ll discuss the next part of the process, managing multiple casual dating partners, girlfriends and more.  Essentially what to do after you get the girl, because the game never ends my friends.

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