Approach Anxiety: The Final Word
Approach anxiety is one of most hotly contested topics in the seduction world. Some disregard it (man up, pussy!), many monetize it ( SMASH your fear to approach girls today, with this course/workshop…), and the lone few attempt to deconstruct it psychologically.
The funny thing is that all these approaches can work. And depending on the kind of guy YOU are they may be very applicable.
But let me make one thing clear that is rarely even considered.
Getting rid of all anxiety when you approach a new girl you like is virtually impossible, unless you become so detached socially (sociopath) you aren’t aware of girl’s feelings or the environment around you.
How to Get Over Your Approach Anxiety
One of the best street pickup artists I ever witnessed live (we spent almost a week together total meeting girls) had ZERO approach anxiety. He was also a complete sociopath and a horribly destructive person to have in your life.
You can read more about this true pickup artist in my other post. The short story is that yes this man had no anxiety and could approach (and attract) an astounding amount of beautiful girls…
But after I learned about the kind of life a person like that lives I had no desire to be without anxiety. In fact, I started taking my nerves around meeting women as a signal that I was a normal and socially adjusted dude.
That’s right, I am saying that you want to have at least some level of approach anxiety. Not so much that you’re shaking and can’t speak, but some.
Let’s unpack that. You should have some level of anxiety when approaching a girl for the first time. If it’s during the daytime with people around, or in a cafe, or whatever; it’s super likely that you will at the very least startle her initially.
What kind of person would feel NOTHING before going to do something that’s socially out of the ordinary?
Approach Anxiety in Daygame
Approaching hot girls is a natural and beautiful thing. But we have to admit to ourselves there are plenty of situations when doing so is at best uncomfortable and at worst totally inappropriate. Still we must press on as men.
If you’ve never done this before, then your levels of anxiety will be 10-100x higher than a guy who’s been meeting women for years. But I promise you that even the 10 year veterans feel something when they first spot her walking down the street.
The difference between a master seducer and a new guy is more about how you handle the feelings and what you do in the moment than it is about simply approaching girls being completely at ease.
I’ll say it again. You will never get rid of your discomfort completely.
If you want to get good at this, it’s crucial that you find a way to live with your initial nerves and be able to approach the girl anyway. Over time they will still exist, but will be less of a limiting factor (they won’t stop you from meeting her).
My best technique for doing this is to reframe ‘approach anxiety’ as simply your body telling you it’s time to GO PERFORM. When you really get down to what anxiety is on a physical level, its nothing more than some discomfort in your chest or stomach.
It’ MEANS nothing unless you (your thinking ego mind) associates meaning to it.
So carry on gentlemen, reframe the purely physical feelings you have and learn to operate in the world alongside them. Don’t waste another minute or dollar trying to eradicate feelings that you will always experience.
As for what happened to that master pickup artist? I’m sure he’s still ripping guys off on workshops, and approaching way more girls (more successfully) than me. Would I trade my life for his anxiety-free approaches? Not a chance.
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