This post covers the history of daygame, how to approach girls during the time (daygame), also will help you figure out what to talk about when you meet that first girl in the daytime.
If you live in a major city (and sometimes even if you don’t), I guarantee you have experienced this.
You’re walking down the street, or sitting in a cafe doing some work/reading, and you see her. Some women just seem to suck the air out of every single environment they glide through.
Well put together, form fitting dresses, high heels, whatever your tastes are I’m sure you see at least one girl that appears to check every physical beauty box you could think of. Daily.
Your pulse quickens immediately, and you try and get a good look at her without being a total creep and staring. She probably has weirdos gawking at her all day and yelling after all.
And then she’s gone. Walked past, sat at her own table not facing you, in and out of your life in 10 seconds or less. This is usually the point where most guys that are still single will take a few minutes and fantasize about what it’d be like to date her, to sleep with her.
Of course in your fantasy she’s also smart and interesting and loves you deeply. We always seem to project perfection of character onto beautiful women.
This post is about that moment, for the uninitiated we will teach all about a world of men who actually meet that girl and (sometimes) wind up dating her. For those of you that already have come to know and love/hate daygame, we’ll get into some more practical things about how to improve your authenticity, self-expression, and by default your results when it comes ot meeting girls that set your skin on fire in broad daylight.
What is ‘daygame’, and why would I ever want to do it?
If you want to have the dating life you’ve always dreamed of, one that other men eye with complete jealousy, then you need to learn how to meet women during the daytime that you find attractive. Sounds obvious, right?
And yet, 99% of men spend their dating lives fruitlessly spending on premium versions of dating apps, and agonizing over texts to average looking girls who treat them like one of one hundred nondescript dudes to choose from.
The apps will crater your self-esteem and provide no real dating life results worth bragging about (unless you are a top tier model-like looking dude).
Instead, I am proposing that you learn how to express yourself and your masculinity (positively) in a respectful and authentic way by learning to approach girls in everyday situations. In a coffee shop, a park bench, or literally stopping her in the street as she walks by to say hello .
Some of the best romantic experiences, and girlfriends of my life have come from interactions in those three places in fact.
A Short Disclaimer For Crazies
First of all, a disclaimer for anyone that has picked up this article and immediately scoffed at the term daygame, writing it off as another semi (or full-on) misogynistic and sleazy article about how to use conversation to emotionally manipulate a woman.
That’s not what we’re talking about here, but we have to use the term because that’s really the only word out there for it at this point. Cool? Let’s move on.
The Rich History of Daygame (Kidding)
Arguably the father of daygame is Sasha Daygame. He may or may not have been the first guy approaching girls on the street with the intention of ‘picking them up but for me, he was my first introduction to the notion.
I remember watching with my jaw open as he ran around London with a hidden camera chasing after girls (respectfully) and chatting them up. It wasn’t the fact that he was so great and getting all these girls that blew my mind but the WAY HE ROLLED OFF REJECTION AFTER REJECTION.
Some of the interactions were awkward, and some of the girls were mean. And the guy just didn’t care, he’d just keep going until met some nice girl.
And some of the girls he was meeting on the street were INSANELY beautiful. I was nervous just watching him pick them up and get phone numbers. Check him out on Youtube, Sasha has done a lot more since his Sasha Daygame days… but the old vids are still powerful for a beginner.
Now since Sasha, there have been countless fantastic coaches out there on the streets picking up girls and making connections. I could list a few like Yad, The Natural Lifestyles, and a few other pickup companies that do it well. The point is now that daygame is a ‘thing’ and more mainstream (at least in the seduction world).
So, what is daygame? The ‘pickup and seduction’ world loves to name stuff in attempt to over complicate (because we’re all nerds). It’s just going up to girls in the daytime, and trying to start a conversation that leads into a future (or immediate) date. That’s it.
How to Daygame- the mechanics
The how-of-daygame is what most guys are concerned with. How do I meet a girl I like on the street? What do I say when I’m doing a daygame? We’ll go through a brief intro on how to meet girls you like on the street here. Even guys that have done this before should pick up a thing or two from this section.
This is an insanely complex and nuanced topic, so I’m going to give you bigger principles first. To learn the technicals, check out Yad, and The Natural Lifestyles guys who go INSANELY in-depth and do it over video.
This is the best ‘frame’ you can come from when you’re out meeting girls during the day. What is she like? What makes this girl tick? The idea here is to get you to stop running around the streets ‘trying to pick up girls’ but instead go out as a social person and meet interesting people.
Believe me, once you get away from ‘doing pickup’ you will meet a lot more girls that are interested in you.
In my experience, if you want to make a connection, both of you need to be standing still and be able to make decent eye contact. Now, this isn’t always possible if she’s hurrying off somewhere (in that case you would walk with her) but you should always begin the interaction by trying to stop her. Few tips here:
-Get in front of her (but leave plenty of space)
-Don’t do it quickly and alarmingly, remember you are a stranger to give her lots of space
-Smile and say ‘excuse me. The more playful you can do this the better, and the more likely she’ll stop.
-Make eye contact immediately. She needs to see that you aren’t a crazy person, or a robber, so make eye contact and smile genuinely. Portuguese
Calibrate her reactions
This is the art of daygame, calibration. What I mean here is you need to see how she reacts to your presence (after you say hello and stop her) and based on how SHE is feeling you need to respond appropriately.
For example, let’s say you stop her and say hello, and she looks terrified.
-You need to make a statement of empathy to show her you understand what you’ve just done is weird and out of the ordinary (because it is to her).
-“Sorry I know this is strange…” “I didn’t mean to startle you (with a smile and laugh), I know this crazy…”
If you communicate to her you saw her alarm and understand it, she will almost always laugh and relax a little bit more.
However, most guys get into the habit of doing this whenever it’s not always necessary. Sometimes I stop a girl, and she just plants her feet, blushes, and smiles back at me like “ok, what’s up?”.
It’s the best, and when it happens you don’t need to justify your existence to her because she is comfortable and likes you already. Proceed.
I could talk scenarios all day, comment on this post if you have any specifics you want me to go over. The main point here is you should be constantly seeing where she’s at emotionally and put yourself in her shoes.
This allows you to respond in a way that shows 1. you are competent enough to see how she’s feeling and 2. you give a shit enough about her experience to react to it.
She needs to know why this random dude is standing in front of her. So the easiest way is to tell her straight up (and it’s reasonably effective).
“I wanted to meet you, I thought you looked amazing”
-Generic compliment yes (it’s better if you can comment on her style, what she’s wearing, how she’s walking etc.) But at least it gets the job done, as now she knows you aren’t a sales guy, and you aren’t trying to be shopping buddies.
As you get more advanced, you can communicate this with non-verbal signals (eye contact, flirty smile, lingering hand touch, etc.) but if you are brand new it’s easiest to just say it. It also helps you get more comfortable expressing your desires (something most men can never do without being ashamed). So tell her what you like about her.
Find out about her, and share yourself too
Don’t just ask logistical questions like ‘where do you go to school’, go deeper and find out WHY she chose that major, find out her main motivations. The best way to connect with people is to discuss hopes/dreams and fears/insecurities. If you can show your vulnerability and get her to join you, you’ll be amazed at how quickly two strangers on the sidewalk can connect.
Move the interaction forward – The Instant Date
Ok so you’ve done it, it’s going well, and now what? You have two options
Do something with her immediately, or grab her contact info to set up a later date.
The doing something immediately should stand out as the obvious winner of the two options. Introducing the pick-up lingo word, instant dates.
Grab a quick coffee or a drink somewhere. Suggest it if it makes sense and she doesn’t have any major plans. This is renumbered or social media.
If it doesn’t make logistical sense to meet up later, then simply say.
“Ok well you seem pretty cool, let’s swap numbers (or Instagram) and maybe we can meet up later this week”
It’s better if you can set a date right then and there (ideally to do something she’s already said she likes doing) but at the very least you need to suggest that you exchange info and meet at a later date. the girl will rarely make this suggestion so you need to step up and take the risk. Sometimes she’ll say no, or she’ll say she’s busy or has a boyfriend.
Mindsets for wining in the long term
This isn’t the most efficient method for going on dates, and having sex. I promise you that. It takes more time, more effort, more emotional risk. Yeah, it’s a lot of work especially to learn.
you need to fall in love with the process, like anything you want to master. The win is in overcoming fear and making the approach. The reward is having fun and unique little interactions and conversations and meeting cool and beautiful girls.
You need to forget all about how many phone numbers you get, and how many dates you go on, and how many lovers you end up ‘getting’ out of daygame.
Biggest Misconceptions and Troubleshooting
She will freak out, be mean, and call me a stalker creep
There never has been more fear in men when it comes to meeting women in a non-standard place (basically anything other than dating apps or night clubs). Most of us have seen the news and the pubic in general decrying toxic masculinity as the worst thing ever.
So, as a nice and reasonably smart guy, we deduce that there is a risk that we could easily be put into the toxic box just by simply starting conversations in broad daylight and telling a stranger we think she’s sexy.
Then they don’t even try, for fear of being mislabeled and shamed.
Look, there are a ton of toxic and aggressive things that men do to women they find attractive. But that’s not what we are doing here with daygame. We are instead simply trying to meet women in broad daylight, compliment her, and see if she’s receptive to talking further. And there is nothing wrong with that at all. In fact, it’s one of the most beautiful gifts you can give a stranger.
Almost all women you approach in a respectful way will be delighted at you spoke to them. They may not be interested, or available to date you, but if you do it right she’ll be smiling to herself all day that someone noticed her, and her outfit, and wanted to meet her.
I’ve had women thank me for approaching them with such confidence and respect. Who doesn’t love a compliment? So be kind, approach her correctly, and I guarantee that you won’t get very many rude or dismissive responses.
She will be ready to dive in and hvae a flirty conversation
Most guys would assume that the most common reaction they’ll get in daygame is disdain if they do it poorly, and flirty sexy joy if they do it correctly. Both are wrong. The most common immediate reaction you’ll get during a daygame session is actually fear.
To unpack this, you need to put yourself in her shoes. Most people in general aren’t used to getting stopped or spoken to on the street in a direct manner (catcalls don’t count). So when you put yourself in front of a girl and ask her to stop, most will freak out and be nervous initially.
This lasts only as long as it takes for her to figure out what the hell you want, and if you are a potential threat (someone about to rob her, sell her something, assault her, you name it).
Thus your job in the first 10 seconds of the interaction needs to be about taking a quick temperature of how she’s feeling and adjust. If she is startled, you step back and smile while saying “i’m not crazy or a robber or anything” with a laugh.
If she just looks intimidated and nervous (remember some girls are just awkward humans, and a sexy guy approaching them will render them a nervous and stuttering wreck), then you need to be gentler with your introduction.
Don’t assume that even the majority of women on the street are just waiting for your little daygame opener. Most will be confused as to what the heck you’re doing standing in front of them trying to talk. So it’s your job to make it clear immediately that you are not a threat, or sales guy, and that you’re warm and friendly.
She doesn’t want me to talk to her.
On the other side of the failed assumptions coin, there are guys that are a little too empathetic to the girl they are approaching during a day game session.
If she looks busy, or is walking fast, or wearing headphones… yes you can still talk to her. And yes, plenty of women wear headphones just so that people won’t talk to them on the street. It’s ok, dear friend. She’s still worth talking to.
The point of this one is that often we project an entire personality and situation on a person without actually going to find out ourselves. This doesn’t serve you at all. Instead, it’s a far more effective habit to get into the mindset of always making your assumptions in a positive way.
If she’s got headphones in, maybe she’s just an anxious shy artsy type, secretly waiting for that dashing man to break through her outer shell and invite her on a sexy adventure (see every romance novel ever written in the history of mankind for examples of this).
So don’t assume the worse, stay open and receptive. If anything, assume the best because it serves you better. Only a small percentage of women have the confidence to make eye contact with a guy they like while walking down the street. The rest if they really like you will avert their eyes and be shy about it.
Other people will notice, watch and laugh at me if i get rejected.
I’m very guilty of this one to this day. You see a woman, and maybe she’s sitting in a crowded coffee shop or with a few friends. So when you approach her and tell her what you feel, it’s obvious that other people will hear you.
And because we know this is an unusual thing, it’s not a big leap to say that the average person’s ears will prick up and they’ll start listening when they hear a man go tell a complete stranger her thinks she’s pretty. And it’s true, at least momentarily.
I’ve done this a LOT, and have worked with many a dating coach on approaching women. So they’ve forced me into a lot of interactions where there were other people around. None of my fears or worries about being laughed at, or publicly shamed came true. Ever.
Instead, I found that people fall into one of three main categories.
- They are a woman, that is immediately jealous of the woman you are approaching.
- They are a man, who may have scoffed initially, but looks at you with admiration and also jealousy for having the cajones to approach her (they probably were fantasizing about it before you walked up)
- They are a person who notices the approach, and then in 3 seconds goes back to worrying about their own life and problems.
If you do it right, these are really the only bystander categories out there. Women will wish you were approaching them, and men wish they had your confidence to walk up to attractive women and start talking.
Getting her number means she’ll hang out
I hesitate to tell beginners this, but the vast majority of phone numbers a woman gives you will not work out in terms of seeing her on a date and starting something spicy up. To a guy that has never approached a woman in public, getting a phone number or swapping intstagrams seems like the ultimate victory and measure of success. And it should be celebrated, but only at first.
The reality of daygame is that less than 20% of the phone numbers you get will result in you actually seeing the girl again. And that’s if you’re good. For someone that isn’t exactly funny or smooth or charming, it’ll be even lower.
Ask any dating coach who isn’t just a marketing scammer, and they’ll tell you the real results of it. For reference, most professional coaches do NOT meet their girlfriends in the street (more on this in another article).
There are a ton of reasons why a girl will give her number out and not actually meet up with you later. Maybe she actually has a boyfriend and was just being polite to you. Maybe she was terrified you’d be a crazy aggressive psycho if she said she just wasn’t interested (women without boyfriends do this all the time, because they’re nice).
Or she is a kind and empathetic person that realized how hard it was for you to come up and compliment her, and she didn’t want to be rude by saying she just wasn’t interested romantically.
And on top of all of that, maybe she just didn’t like you enough to get over the weirdness of meeting a random man on the street and seeing him later on a date.
Manage your expectations accordingly, and don’t get discouraged if you aren’t getting a flood of messages back when you first start doing this.